George Carlin, who can still make me laugh even after he's dead, once said that in America, "If you nail two pieces of wood together in some way they've never been nailed together before, some schmuck will buy it."

We live in a culture where people buy all manner of schlock, a truth that sprang to mind when I heard the city may be selling used police cars over the Internet.

Councilman William Peduto of Shadyside introduced the legislation this week, and Mayor Luke Ravenstahl sent word via e-mail that the idea is "worth pursuing" because it aligns with his goal of modernizing city government.

Mr. Peduto and Mr. Ravenstahl agree about as often as Rush Limbaugh and Al Franken, so that's significant.

Mr. Peduto seeks to rid the city of the "insider's game" that led to corruption charges involving the periodic auto auctions. Six people have been charged with running a scheme where buyers bid high but arranged to pay less. Mr. Peduto would prefer using a Web site such as www.GovDeals.com, which sells everything from ambulances to water towers.

Even that only seems to skim the surface, however. Given all the Grant Street hijinks of recent years, it should be obvious that there would be a market for the memorabilia of these events in the same way there is among football fanatics for game-worn jerseys and the like.

Here are just a few items that might go up for sale and provide relief for the chronically strapped city budget:

• The Long Range Acoustic Device truck, which saw action during the militarization of Pittsburgh last month. Its high-pitched alarm was used to disperse crowds during the G-20 summit.

The city and Allegheny County used $101,000 in federal homeland security grants to buy four of these sonic toys. Why would we ever need four?

Let's put at least three on sale with the come-on, "Be the first one on your block to depopulate your block." It could arrive just in time for New Year's Eve.

• The shoes Councilman Jim Motznik used to outrun WTAE reporter Jim Parsons and his pesky questions about travel expenses.

May 11, 2004, is a historic date for both councilmanic (emphasis on the manic) and aerobic reasons. That day, Mr. Motznik left the sidewalk for the Grant Building, broke into a run, made it into a bank branch, went out its back door to Fourth Avenue -- and only then did the TV cameras lose him.

Kids, with those shoes, you can run faster after sending expenses higher.

Mr. Motznik, a former laborer in the Department of Public Works, also could donate his bright yellow, knee-high "sewer boots." He wore them to a council budget debate in December 2003 to indicate that the budget was, in his considered opinion, uh, "crap." Mr. Motznik's footwear alone could help save the branch libraries.

• Twanda Carlisle's fur coat.

The former councilwoman pleaded no contest to theft and related charges. She served a little less than nine months in prison and then a few months in a halfway house before being released on parole in March. Her expenditures with public money included a mink coat.

The city is collecting $43,160 in restitution owed by her, but a court order two weeks ago said she can have her coat back upon payment of $138 in storage fees. So it doesn't belong to the city, but I mention it because it would surely fetch top dollar in any council memorabilia sale.

• Mayor Ravenstahl's party commando vehicle.

Our boy king rode in style to the Toby Keith concert back in 2007 in a GMC Yukon financed by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. After a Pittsburgh police sergeant complained, and was threatened with a reprimand until her superiors realized how bad that would look, the mayor wrote a $145.50 personal check to the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

So you know that has to be some fun ride. Why the feds think we can fight terrorism by dispensing $37,000 customized SUVs to America's cities, counties and towns is a billion-dollar question for another day.