We're now smack dab in the middle of one of the most aggravating and stressful periods we're going to experience for a while. I'm not talking about the financial crisis, or the gas crisis, or even a midlife crisis. No, I'm talking about the fall election campaign.

I'm not going to say here how I'm going to vote, because the minute I do, at least half of you out there will instantly decide I'm a moron. (The other half still might think I'm a moron, but you'll appreciate my vote.) But the one thing I'm not for, the one thing I would vote against if I only could, is more political ads on TV.

They're all the same. Backed by a soundtrack of threatening music, they tell you how bad their opponent is, and how dangerous he'll be for our country. He's a liar, or incompetent, or, better yet, both. Then, with just a few seconds to go, we'll get a heroic profile of our own candidate, looking like he's posing for the $5 bill, backed by uplifting music. As the music soars so high we feel like sewing an American flag by hand, we'll hear the candidate intone those magic words, "My name is So-n-So, and I approve this ad."

That's all I need. If the ad is full of lies, and it's trying to scare me to death, and So-n-So said it was OK to put it on my TV, then that settles it: I don't want him to be president. And I can hold a grudge like nobody else. A guy down the street gave me a funny look some time in summer 2003, and I still haven't forgiven him. You want me to look past this?

The part that gives me a stomach ache is how much money goes into this political black hole. As we speak (or actually, as I write, and let's be honest, you remain sort of ambivalent about whether you're going to finish reading this column) they're spending millions and millions of bucks on these TV spots. This is great news for guys who write misleading ads, violinists who specialize in threatening background music, and voiceover actors who can speak in husky, slightly threatening tones, but for the rest of us, it's a big waste of money. Last time I looked, there were plenty of good things to put money toward. If you've got some extra cash just taking up dust, I've got kids who'd really like to go to college.

And when they're not on ads, the politicians are on the news, in debates and, every once in a while, if you're in a battleground state and extremely unlucky, blocking traffic in your home town. They travel across the country, repeating the same speech at breakfast, lunch and dinner, trying desperately to make catch phrases sound good on the 850th repeat.

Well, I've had enough. Both of you guys, please stop throwing statistics at me that don't mean what you say they do, and in many cases mean the exact opposite of what you're trying to make them mean. When the moderator asks you a question at the debate, answer it. Don't hem, haw or evade. Tell us what you think, and not what you hope we want to hear. Despite all the polls and focus group results, we're not as stupid as we might look -- at least most of us aren't -- and we know what you're trying to do.

And all that money you're taking in now? You think there's no strings on that? Everybody who contributed is just making a down payment on a favor they're expecting once you're in office. The bigger the contribution, the bigger the favor. Nobody, in my experience, gives out dough just to be nice. (Which is why my kids better start saving for college.)

What I'd like to see is an ad from somebody who is willing to stand up and tell me, in clear simple terms, what he'd like to do, what stuff he's against, and what stuff he thinks he can really accomplish in office. He'd also be honest about the things he wishes he could do, but doesn't really think have a shot. Then, he'd sit down and, most importantly, shut his (or her) trap. That person, I'd vote for.

And I'm betting you would too.