Q. My second-grader recently has started making up excuses to not go to school, like, "My stomach hurts," "My head hurts," etc. What do we do with him?

A. First, be sure that your son isn't actually ill. Check for a fever and look for other symptoms -- for instance, lack of appetite. Mentally review his schedule: Are you making sure he gets enough sleep? If not, make some schedule changes pronto!

If you determine that he's OK, you have two challenges -- getting him to school now, and finding out what's making him want to stay home.

Persuading a young child to go to school when he's pretending to be ill usually isn't difficult. Tell him, for instance, that if he's really ill, he can stay home -- but in bed, with no toys or TV so he can rest and get better. And tell him he'll have to get to bed "very early tonight, right after dinner." That often does the trick.

But there's something going on that's making your son not want to go to school, and you'll need to do some detective work to determine what that is. We find that, often, it's one of three things: The child wants or needs more time with a parent; there's something negative going at school; or it's just more fun to be home with the TV and the toys.

Sit with your son in a relaxed situation and talk with him about why he doesn't want to go to school. You may or may not get some real information, but you'll probably at least get a sense of what's in his head. At some point, explain to him that you want to help him, but you can't if you don't know what's going on. Reassure him that you'll help him fix whatever the problem is.

If you sense he may need more "parent time," plan some special activities for the evenings and the weekend. The activities don't have to cost anything. It could be a walk in the park, a trip to the library, or just some extra storytime to build closeness and communication.

If you think there may be an issue at school -- Something on the bus? A problem with a peer? Something with the teacher, or the schoolwork? -- you'll need to investigate further. Check with his teacher and even the bus driver or other parents to determine what's going on. Then work with the school to develop solutions.

If you find that the problem is simply that staying home is more fun than going to school, be firm. School is a "must." But do try to find some things he likes about school, and emphasize those.