Disco dictator

	Stacy Innerst, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

Research shows that tall people go farther in life than short people, who tend to be relegated to lower-rung jobs, such as putting together The Morning File. So we can understand what North Korea's Kim Jong-il is up against. It's hard enough being a ruthless fruitcake dictator and Axis of Evil member, but try doing it when (best estimate) you're between 5' and 5' 6". Only one American president was shorter than 5'6" -- James Madison (5'4", Body-Mass Index 17) -- and he was careful never to appear on television. Kim tries to avoid TV as well, making an occasional exception for "Saturday Night Live." To compensate, the little guy is using artificial enhancements at both ends: the mountainous pompadour (good for at least two inches) and the platform shoes (suspected for a long time) that, according to Dong-a Ilbo, a South Korean daily with hard-and-fast photographic evidence, gives Kim an extra five inches. On the other hand, the dictator favors leisure suits as well, so maybe he's simply a fan of the '70s.

We can relate

Pittsburghers hoard toilet paper at the drop of a snowflake, but the crisis in Finland is real. Reuters reports that labor strife has shut the country's paper mills. No question toilet paper is one of life's essentials, but the Finns have a special affinity, according to a Canadian blogger (talltales.typepad.com) who lived in Helsinki long before the crisis. His apartment had two toilet paper holders in each of two bathrooms: "There are more varieties of toilet paper than any other consumer product at my local grocery store. Single-ply, two-ply, two-ply with padding, scented two-ply with padding, three-ply, embossed three-ply, gold-plated three-ply and on and on. I believe toilet paper in Finland is a source of patriotic pride. (I should point out that Nokia [the cell phone giant] was founded in the mid-1800's as a pulp and paper company, which manufactured -- you guessed it -- toilet paper.) I suspect the need for two toilet roll holders is a result of varying consumer demands. Imagine living in a household where only one type of toilet paper was available? Many Finns, apparently, cannot." Now, they're living the nightmare.

Sound familiar?

From the AP
• Man Buys Smoker, Finds Human Leg Inside • Coach Stops Runaway Horse by Biting Ear • Man Allegedly Tries to Use 'Blurry' $100 • Police Break Up Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese • Suggestive Card Ruffles Farmer's Feathers • Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women • Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan • Seattle to Allow Pygmy Goats As Pets • Yankees Rookies Dress Up in Oz Costumes

An Illinois man caught a record 124-pound blue catfish in the Mississippi earlier this week. But the fish, almost 5 feet long and 44 inches around, died on its way to the store where it was to go on display, according to the Kansas City Star. Stress was listed as the likely cause, but are we alone in suspecting steroid use? A moment of silence for Pittsburgh's own Bubba the 22-pound lobster, who also bought the farm just when sudden fame hit, in early March.

eBay watch

They could be yours:

A British MI5 bugging device, which the Irish Republican party says was found in the floorboards of a Sinn Fein office in Belfast last September. Sinnfeinbookshop.com -- yes, the IRA has an online bookstore -- says the bidding is up to $5,000. Ebay also has an MI5 bug for sale by Sein Finn, but with $0 as the current bid. Could there be two for sale or has the dollar exchange rate really picked up?

The homemade guillotine and hammer used by Connecticut activist Joel Gonzalez in 1994 to chop off part of his finger at the state capital in Hartford to protest the gun lobby. He's looking for $50,000 to give to charity. So far, no bids, although there was interest (but no money) from someone named, appropriately, Gore -- not Albert but Andrew Gore who can be reached at satansideshow.com.

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If you have any spare bras, send them to Jan Handley on the Mediterranean island of Cyprus. It's nothing personal. The British-born woman is an organizer of what is hoped to be the longest bra chain in the world that will raise breast-cancer awareness and get them into the Guinness Book of World Records. Their goal: 90,000 bras by next spring, Reuters reports. As you probably know, the current record is a 79,000-long bra chain in Singapore. Let's hope the prostate awareness people don't get any ideas.