Coaches take a beating

	James Hilston, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

Every May in America can be counted upon for the return of glorious flowers, long days of sunlight and senseless attacks on coaches and referees. In Hamden, Conn., a father apparently distraught over his daughter's suspension from a softball team beat her coach with an aluminum bat. "He was swinging for the fences," the coach at Sacred Heart Academy told the New Haven Register after treatment at a hospital. "This guy was trying to kill me." In Sonoma County, Calif., a group of men knocked a girls rugby coach unconscious. The coach had intervened to pin a spectator who punched a referee. In both cases, of course, the young athletes had to watch the whole thing. And that's not counting the Little League baseball games and toddler soccer matches ruined by adults in the Red States between the coasts. Everyone should take a cue from New Jersey: Lawmakers there in 2003 toughened assault penalties for anyone starting a fight at a school- or town-sanctioned athletic event involving children younger than 16.

It's the color of blood

If you want to intimidate your athletic opponent, without necessarily sending his coach to the emergency room, you might simply wear a red uniform. Researchers from the University of Durham in England found that teams and individuals wearing red in a variety of sports fared better than those wearing other colors. In the journal Nature, they didn't provide an explanation for the finding but noted that in both nature and culture, red conveys a message of aggression, vigor and danger. In European soccer matches and Olympic events ranging from tae kwon do to Greco-Roman wrestling, the red competitors were more likely to win. Skeptical? Consider how much red is on the Pirates uniforms, then recall the two teams that played in last year's World Series.

You call that vacation?

From the AP
• Man Buys Smoker, Finds Human Leg Inside • Coach Stops Runaway Horse by Biting Ear • Man Allegedly Tries to Use 'Blurry' $100 • Police Break Up Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese • Suggestive Card Ruffles Farmer's Feathers • Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women • Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan • Seattle to Allow Pygmy Goats As Pets • Yankees Rookies Dress Up in Oz Costumes

One thing everyone looks forward to at this time of year is the chance to get away from work. Or do they? Nearly one in four people planning a summer vacation expect to check in with the office by phone or e-mail most days, according to a survey by Hudson, a professional staffing firm. Among managers, 38 percent plan to be in touch all or most days while away. The bottom line: One-third of the vacationers expect to return to the office either more stressed or just as stressed as when they left. "Even though managers are the guiltiest in this respect, they should understand that this behavior increases the chances of early burnout among their best and brightest," said Alicia Barker, a Hudson North America vice president. The Morning File couldn't agree more.

The mirror doesn't lie

Allure is one of those women's magazines that always sticks a beautiful woman on the cover, which strikes us as curious, because isn't that what men's magazines are supposed to do? But evidently, there's no need to worry anymore that all of the photos of slim, attractive models will make female readers feel inadequate. The State of Beauty Study, in Allure's June edition, reports that nine of 10 women feel happy with what they see in the mirror. That's a good thing, because their men don't really want them to tamper with perfection. Two-thirds of the men surveyed prefer that their romantic partners reject plastic surgery to improve their appearance. Less than 10 percent of women acknowledged ever having cosmetic surgery.

We're trendsetters!

In his new book, "The Flight of the Creative Class," former Carnegie Mellon professor Richard Florida calls Pittsburgh a microcosm of what could be in store for America. You remember Florida, the Pittsburgher known for most bluntly pointing out the region's faults -- until The Andy Warhol Museum's Tom Sokolowski came along and Florida had to move. If you know his work, it comes as no shock that Florida postulates that Pittsburgh is ahead of the curve in an undesirable way. He writes about how close-minded attitudes have caused Pittsburgh to lose many of its most creative, intelligent, artistic, high-valued talents in recent times: "Its great export, local residents like to say, is no longer steel, but its young people, the very talent it invests so much in creating. ... I saw firsthand what being a less open and tolerant society led by squelchers did to Pittsburgh's economy. I fear this may well be a microcosm for what is now beginning to happen to our entire country." Maybe he's right, but geez, did he have to tell everybody?

How does "Porky's II" fit in?

In another new book, "The Seven Basic Plots: Why We Tell Stories," author Christopher Booker theorizes over 700 pages that all of our literature and story-telling is based on just, well, seven basic plots. One is called "Overcoming the Monster," with a hero saving the world from something evil (think "Jaws"). In "Rags to Riches" tales, a downtrodden character has a happy ending (like "Cinderella"). "Quest" stories call upon a hero and sidekicks to travel in search of some type of prize or treasure ("Robin Hood"). In "Voyage and Return," someone leaves the familiar world and undergoes alien experiences ("Alice in Wonderland"). And there are more self-explanatory categories of "Comedy," "Tragedy," and "Rebirth," relating to how events impact the central characters. We eagerly await Booker's study of Morning File and its items' seven common themes.

Random act of kindness

The large Styrofoam sign read: "All proceeds for this garage sale benefit our 'hearing impaired' child's Legal Defense Fund."

Despite our continued heartfelt pleas that our "special needs" deaf child not yet be mainstreamed from his institute for the hearing impaired, our local school district turned a deaf ear, forcing a legal showdown our family cannot afford.

Of all the treasure hunters, the only people to acknowledge our plight were a kindly senior citizen and his wife. With a minimum of haggling, they bought several items and were off. "Nice people," I thought.

A scant hour later the garage sale buzzards were picking my bones clean one quarter at a time when my elderly customer returned minus his wife, his green van packed full of garage sale stuff. It would prove to be the first of three van loads he insisted I take and sell on behalf of my son.

Why? I asked overwhelmed by his generosity. With glistening eyes he recalled his mother answering a knock at the door during the Depression and a Salvation Army volunteer handing her a large basket of food. "I will never forget that, and I am grateful to this day."

As the buzzards circled my wife, my new friend and I shared our faith in the driveway. The same faith that has sustained him through 85 years of life, heart attacks and bypasses, has sustained our family through the trials of our son's heart and abdominal surgeries. Now that we feel represented by a higher power, the upcoming legal trial pales by comparison.

James A. Thomas,
Allison Park