Magna carta

	British Museum Click photo for larger image.

Visitors to the British Museum in London this week had the rare privilege of seeing a previously undiscovered primitive cave painting: "Early Man Goes to Market." The Morning File was able to obtain a photo of this priceless piece that turned out to be the work, not of Giant Eagle Man (homo supermarketa carta) but of a 21st-century bloke who goes by the name "Banksy." He was thoughtful enough to supply a caption for museum-goers: "This finely preserved example of primitive art dates from the Post-Catatonic era and is thought to depict early man venturing towards the out-of-town hunting grounds." Banksy's occupation: "art terrorist." (Does he put that on his tax return?) It's not clear how long it was up there before the hoax was discovered Wednesday after Banksy spilled the beans on woostercollective.com. Banksy has similarly thumbed his nose at the art world at the Tate Gallery in London, the Louvre in Paris and, in March, four museums in New York City in one day.

Local angle: Banksy wasn't a slavish copier of Andy Warhol's Campbell's Soup Cans hung in New York's Museum of Modern Art. His version showed a can of Tesco value tomato soup, a British discount brand.

Pittsburgh Weird

From the AP
• Man Buys Smoker, Finds Human Leg Inside • Coach Stops Runaway Horse by Biting Ear • Man Allegedly Tries to Use 'Blurry' $100 • Police Break Up Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese • Suggestive Card Ruffles Farmer's Feathers • Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women • Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan • Seattle to Allow Pygmy Goats As Pets • Yankees Rookies Dress Up in Oz Costumes

Interview with Alexander Boese (December 2002, SFgate.com), curator of the online rogue's gallery, museumofhoaxes.com:

Q. Not that I'm asking you to psychoanalyze yourself -- or maybe I am -- but what is it about lying and deception that so fascinates you personally?

A. Hoaxes can be funny and weird, and that's a large part of their appeal. I've definitely been attracted to stories and tales about weird phenomena throughout my life. My mother's family comes from the Pittsburgh area, and people from around there tell me that I got the "Pittsburgh gene," which is like a gene for weirdness. Its existence is demonstrated by the fact that so many people from that region of the country have shown a definite propensity for weirdness, Andy Warhol probably being the most famous of them. I have a great uncle who invented a camera that can take pictures of the little people that live on plants. Evidently, he got the Pittsburgh gene, too.

Clash of church and movie

Some "Star Wars" fans have the fervor of religious fanatics, but did you know that thousands of them are members in good or, more probably, satiric standing of the Jedi religion? It started with a prank of an e-mail campaign to permit "Jedi" or "Jedi Knight," the fictitious religious order in the "Star Wars" films, to be entered on the 2001 census form in some British Commonwealth countries, where religious affiliation is a legit question (it's not in the United States.) Here are the 2001 census figures for Jedi religion members: England and Wales, 390,000; Australia, 70,000; New Zealand, 53,000; Canada, 20,000. And they say the young don't care about religion. The bureaucratic sense of humor has limits, though: Jedi is not recognized as an official religion in any of these countries. And, as Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia, points out, the joke may have been on the young pranksters: The e-mail campaign seems to have improved participation and made the 2001 censuses more comprehensive. But there will be no more census opportunities for Jedi religionists. May the farce be with them.

Spar Wars

From a New York Daily News story by Michelle Megna:

I married a 'Star Wars' geek!

May divorce be with you? That's the question some women must be asking themselves after entering into holy matrimony with 'Star Wars' nerds. But there may be a lightsaber at the end of the tunnel for these poor brides: WPLJ radio's 'I'm Married to a Star Wars Freak' contest offered cash prizes to wives who could answer trivia questions about their hubbies' obsession. Till Darth do they part.

Thanks, but no thanks

LIVE report from The Morning File's Port Authority bus correspondent: "Cars screeched to a halt and a 67H bus skidded to within inches of an SUV heading through Schenley Park on Panther Hollow Road Wednesday afternoon. Cars inching toward Squirrel Hill were backed up to the park swimming pool. As the bus rounded a bend, photographers could be seen at the bottom of the hill near Greenfield Road, the main intersection in the park. It was an accident, a rider speculated, but there was no sign of wreckage. Then the cause of the traffic snarl and near fender-benders came into view. Mayoral heir apparent Bob O'Connor was standing in the turnoff to Greenfield, grinning broadly and holding a 'Thank You Pittsburgh' sign. A chorus of groans and curses erupted on the bus. 'I will never vote for that man,' an elderly woman commented, 'but obviously a lot of people did.' "

You can't look it up

More favorite words that can't be found in the dictionary:

Pat Howe of Westwood: "We heard one on the radio the other day that my 17-year-old said he knew: Prostitots: the fashion trend for prepubescent girls that makes them look like tiny hookers."

When somebody sneezes, they get a "God bless you". But the same courtesy and good wishes are not extended to those who break wind. Tom Duffey of Reynoldsville wants to rectify that. Instead of shaming with silence, we should wish the wind-breakers: "Conflatulations!"