Hey, kudzu here

	James Hilston, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

You have to admire scientists. They can find good in things no matter how checkered their past. Case in point: kudzu. For those who don't know, kudzu is not a childhood disease, a knife sold on late-night TV or a new model from Toyota, though it is a Japanese import. Kudzu, hairy with wide leaves and stupendous climbing powers, is known as the vine that ate the South. Even as we speak, kudzu is strangling trees along roads in a part of the country whose tradition of rural violence extends to its plants. You don't leave small children within its reach.

Kudzu's rehabilitation began in 1993 when Harvard scientists gave kudzu extract to alcoholic hamsters, who promptly went on the wagon without so much as a hangover or a 12-step program. Then, a couple of years ago, we learned that kudzu helped rats cut down on their drinking. This week brought more image-improving news from Harvard, and this time the implications went beyond the rodent community: Kudzu helps curb binge-drinking in humans. When we heard this, we assumed kudzu did this by choking the boozer to death. But, no. The selfless volunteer drinkers who washed down kudzu capsules drank an average of 1.8 beers per session, compared with the 3.5 beers consumed by placebo-takers, researchers said. In other words, thanks to kudzu, the subjects needed fewer beers to feel drunk.

Idea: Should the Steelers consider handing out kudzu tablets at games? How about college fraternities?

Lily kills cat

From the AP
• Man Buys Smoker, Finds Human Leg Inside • Coach Stops Runaway Horse by Biting Ear • Man Allegedly Tries to Use 'Blurry' $100 • Police Break Up Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese • Suggestive Card Ruffles Farmer's Feathers • Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women • Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan • Seattle to Allow Pygmy Goats As Pets • Yankees Rookies Dress Up in Oz Costumes

From Britain, we hear of a plant with a good image that turns out to be a killer. A 13-year-old Siamese cat, Catalina, brushed against the oriental stargazer lilies a man from Kent bought his wife, then licked the pollen from its fur. Within hours, Catalina was dead, and a national alert was issued to British pet owners, according to the Daily Telegraph of London. The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, which reported an increase in such cases, says all lilies are poisonous to cats, with just one leaf eaten possibly leading to death. Stateside, the ASPCA identifies the Easter lily, tiger lily, rubrum lily, Japanese show lily and some species of the day lily as liable to cause kidney failure in cats.

Rat totally-rare

Looking for a once-in-a-lifetime dining experience? (Let's try to get through this without losing our breakfasts.) People in the Khammouan region of Laos have been serving up roasted rat on a skewer, probably -- and this is just a guess -- at an arts festival. Big deal, you say? Who doesn't enjoy an occasional rat-on-a-stick? That's what the Laotians thought, too. But Western scientists went crazy with a sense of discovery. Turns out the rock rat is unlike any rodent known to science, a fetching cross between a large dark rat and a squirrel with some kinship to the guinea pig and chinchilla. That's what the mainstream media, including us, chose to focus on. But did we get any details on proper grilling preparation? Marinades? More important, do those rats have drinking problems?

Look at that paint dry!

Here's an idea whose time may never come: writing as performance. The Flux Factory, an artists' collective in New York City, got three novelists to agree to live in boxes for a month. So far so good. But during their 30 days in semi-isolation, each writer will try to complete a novel and be allowed to leave their pods for only 90 minutes a day. Here's where the excitement comes in: The public is invited to look in on the writers during certain hours. Yes, indeed. We're no novelists, but if The Morning File were put on display during the writing process, you'd see some fascinating yawning, scratching, aimless walking and gratuitous keyboard-cleaning. Check in at www.fluxfactory.org

Outsourcing? Stay calm

Jude Pohl, long-time Morning File fan and theater impresario, has this fear: "I am waiting for them to outsource 911 to India. I can see it now:

"My house is on fire."
"Where are you calling from?"
"Pittsburgh."
"What country is that in?"
"America."
"North or South?"
etc. etc. etc.

You can ride forever

Boston, which claims to have had a T before we got one, has ended the use of tokens on its transit system in favor of fare cards. The name, with a nod to the Kingston Trio classic about the man who never returned: the Charlie card.

Good one

From Jamie Longstreth of Penn Hills, who read yesterday's top 10 words that aren't in the dictionary but should be: "Actually, I made this one up myself. You know those big gold medallions and horns and crosses and stuff that Italian men of a certain age have a tendency to wear?

"Blinguini."

"Thanks. I'm here until Friday. Try the chicken parmigiana!"

How about the rest of you -- any original words to contribute?