Who's the Real Bob?

Feeling confused about whom to vote for in tomorrow's elections? In the case of the Pittsburgh mayoral race, you can get help by checking the three key Democratic candidates' Web sites. There's one problem, however, with www.boboconnor.com -- it pictures a bald, bearded guy from South China, Maine, instead of a smiling, white-maned fellow from Squirrel Hill. South China's Bob O'Connor advertises himself on his Web site as a fast, easy, affordable "WebBuilder" for clients. He's evidently not interested in your vote tomorrow, but you could write him in and really confuse the ballot-counters. His Pittsburgh namesake's Web site is boboconnorformayor.com, which reminds readers that Pittsburgh Bob and wife Judy have lived in the same home for 38 years. Lambformayor.com reveals nothing about how long Michael Lamb has lived in his Mount Washington residence, but it does note he is a member of the Ancient Order of Hibernians. At www.billpeduto.com, there's no mention of anything ancient about the councilman from Point Breeze, but he touts his participation on the Pittsburgh Celebrity Hockey Team.

Mayoral candidates: Read this!

Regional economist Christopher Briem at the University of Pittsburgh spends about as much time as anyone examining and discussing census data, which sometimes makes him a very lonely man at cocktail parties. But his work can generate some interesting rankings, like recent findings that between 2000 and 2004, the Pittsburgh metropolitan area fared better in its rate of domestic migration (people arriving versus leaving) than nine of the other 25 largest metro areas. That also means we were worse than 15 of 25, if you're one of those glass-half-empty people. Yes, it's true that 25,150 more people moved away from the Pittsburgh region than moved in from elsewhere in the United States, but that was still better than the rate of loss in Seattle, San Diego, Boston, San Francisco and some other nice-sounding places. Pittsburgh was last among the 25, however, in its overall population change (-1.1%), because it attracted the fewest international immigrants and was the only place with more deaths than births.

At least we're good savers

Bert Sperling of Portland, Ore., spends his time finding ways to compare cities , so Morning File would sure like to be a fly on the wall if he and Chris Briem ever get together at the same party. Sperling's latest ranking, at www.bestplaces.net, lists Pittsburghers as the fourth most "fiscally fit" among residents of the 50 top metro areas (Salt Lake City was first). That means we are more prudent than most other city slickers about such things as life insurance, retirement investments and being able to save a fair amount of money compared to our income. Hmmm, kind of makes you wonder why we live in a city that got into such a financial mess. Perhaps we should blame the immigrants who didn't move here?

	Stacy Innerst, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

Talk to the hand

Researchers at the University of Alberta suggest that when people make a lot of hand gestures while talking, it's helping them access their memory and language. They examined gestures of bilingual children and were surprised to find them using their hands more in their stronger language, not weaker. "What we think is going on here is that the very fact of moving your hands around helps you recall parts of the story -- the gestures help you access memory and language so that you can tell more of the story," said University of Alberta psychologist Elena Nicoladis.

Everybody doesn't love Patricia

At everybodylovesray.com, a fan site apparently created to revere the sitcom which airs its final new episode on CBS tonight, things have gotten as testy as the typical conversation between Raymond's parents. The message board features some nasty exchanges among the TV show's fans arguing whether it was proper for Emmy-winning actress Patricia Heaton (she plays Ray's long-suffering wife, Debra) to go public in March condemning removal of Terri Schiavo's feeding tube. Some message board comments support her for openly airing views that would be unpopular among her liberal Hollywood peers. Others encourage Heaton/Debra to shut up. No word in on that from Raymond, who probably would rather just go golfing and then attempt to have bad sex with his wife afterward. The Morning File predicts the Schiavo case will not be referred to in the show's finale after nine humorous, non-controversial years.

From the AP
• Man Buys Smoker, Finds Human Leg Inside • Coach Stops Runaway Horse by Biting Ear • Man Allegedly Tries to Use 'Blurry' $100 • Police Break Up Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese • Suggestive Card Ruffles Farmer's Feathers • Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women • Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan • Seattle to Allow Pygmy Goats As Pets • Yankees Rookies Dress Up in Oz Costumes

More fine limericks
without any gimmicks

National Limerick Day last week brought out the inner limericker in many readers. Here's a sampling:

Jim Cataldi, Robinson: "Here's one that cuts a little deep (name is changed). They say to write what you know."
I once met a girl name o' Bunny,
Who caused me to spend all my money.
She took all my bread
And left me for dead.
And, man, I was hurtin' like plunny.

Dick Balukin, Penn Hills:
Our county has tried to assess
(At least that's our very best guess)
To make taxes fair
But the numbers don't square
So, we're stuck in one helluva mess!

Hazel Cope, Mt. Lebanon:
There was a young lady from Braddock
Who swam in the pool with a haddock
Her parents got mad
Said they'd rather she had
A horse that she rode in the paddock.

A sloppy young fellow called Peter
Fell in love with a woman called Rita
With kindness and tact
She cleaned up his act
And now Peter is very much neater.

Mary Elabarger of Bethel Park, gardener: "I'm no Ogden Nash -- more's the pity -- but I wanted to share my little ditty!"
There once was a gardener named Joe
Who was pretty darned good with a hoe
Though he whacked and he hacked
The weeds did not slack
And perversely continued to grow.

Phyllis T. Kernick, Penn Hills:
There once was a gal named Lucille
Who drove a huge automobile
But she drove so fast
Her car didn't last
But neither did our sweet Lucille.

Arlene Gardopee, Butler, on first meeting her husband at the research lab at Brockway Glass Co. in Brockway, where he worked in product development:
In the summer of seventy-four,
He set out in search of amour.
So he said to Arlene,
Want to see my machine?
Thus began an affair of the coeur.