Lake Fong, Post-Gazette Plaxico Burress: "If I would have called him, it would have caused a lot less commotion." Click photo for larger image. THE OPENER Game: Steelers at Detroit Lions When: 7:30 p.m. Saturday TV: KDKA Radio: WDVE-FM (102.5), WBGG-AM (970) Steelers Notebook: RB battle could be a long one

"If I would have called him, it would have caused a lot less commotion."

If he could do it over, Plaxico Burress would make that phone call to coach Bill Cowher in May.

He would tell him why he could not attend minicamp, why he would stay away from the rest of the Steelers' workouts through June 10, why it meant so much to him in two very different ways.

He skipped minicamp over Mother's Day weekend because the death of his mother, Vicki Burress, in March 2002 still eats at him emotionally. He continued to stay away because he believed he could round himself into better shape working out at the University of Miami than he could with the Steelers.

And that's what he told his coach when they finally talked on the first day of training camp at St. Vincent College.

"He has always been totally understanding of any decision I've made," Burress said yesterday morning. "If I would have called him, he would have understood. I thought that he wouldn't. That's where we got a misread on each other. I put that on myself for me thinking that and not really knowing how he would have taken it.

"If I would have called him, it would have caused a lot less commotion, but in the end, we got it resolved. We sat down as two men, we looked each other in the eyes, we said how we felt to each other and we put it behind us. We have the same goal and that's win the championship."

The absence this spring of Burress, the Steelers' starting split end, caused a furor in Pittsburgh, among some teammates, the coaches and the front office, and certainly among the fans and media. He kept silent, and everyone assumed it had to do with his contract, which has one year left. Burress swears that was not it at all.

"If I would have been [in Pittsburgh], I wouldn't have been getting the work I got down there in Miami. It's different workouts, the intensity. It's something I had never done before; it's something I wanted to do. So, I took it upon myself, I took all the shots and everything that everybody said bad. But I was down there working my butt off. I felt it was more important to get myself ready, physically, coming into the season to best suit my team, to help my team."

Said Cowher: "We discussed everything, and while I understand why, I do not agree with [his reasons]. But the most important thing is he's focused, and I'm very pleased with how he's practiced and fought through some nagging injuries. He's had a very good camp."

Burress, the eighth pick in the 2000 draft, believed it was time to take control of his game. He did not believe it was where it should be despite two 1,000-yard seasons in the past three.

"Just getting to the top, man, that's something I told myself I would do five years ago. It took me this long to get my mind in order and get focused.

"It's about me going out on this field on Sundays and saying enough is enough. I get tired of people saying, 'Yeah, but ... he's this, but ...' There's always a 'but.' I feel a lot of people lost a little respect for me. For me to get to that level, for people to respect me you just have to go out and make it so evident that nobody had anything to say."

	Lake Fong, Post-Gazette Everyone has been curious to hear what Plaxico Burress has had to say this camp after a tumultuous offseason. Click photo for larger image.

There remains something he cannot do, cannot overcome. Burress turns 27 years old today, and the gift he wants most has eluded him: He has found no peace with his mother's death nearly 2 1/2 years ago. Vicki Burress, who had diabetes, died of complications after surgery to amputate her foot. She was 49.

"All I really have is myself, my fiance and my family. I don't have an adult who was raised in my household to lean on or talk to. It gets a little tough for me, you know?

"Even when I go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning, it's an everyday struggle. For a long time, I thought it was a dream. I've come to realize that no matter how long I'm here on this earth, every day I wake up I have to deal with it. It's something tough to go through. Some days it gets so tough; some days I'm down and some days I'm fine. I really don't have anyone to talk to about it. I deal with it myself, and I pray about it. I just have to keep on moving, I can't stop."

Burress rejected the idea of counseling because "it's not a problem like that, it's more leaning on ... it's emotional."

He was 21 when he met his father, Lawrence Davis, for the first time. Burress was at Michigan State when Davis looked him up.

What was that like?

"You tell me, how would you be?" Burress asked. "Would that be a total shock to you? I guess he heard about me. I guess he wanted to meet me."

Since then, he and Davis have talked a few times "but it's not like we have a father-son relationship."

The emotional ups and downs Burress experiences contrast with his physical presence the first two weeks of training camp. It's become a cliche for many players, but Burress truly looks to be in his best shape, and he's having his best camp.

He has not been a disappointment as the team's first-round draft choice, but he hasn't fulfilled expectations either. He had a severe hand injury as a rookie and caught only 22 passes, but then he caught 66 passes for 1,008 yards in 2001 and 78 for 1,325 yards in '02 before he, like everyone else on offense, slipped last season with 60 for 860.

He worked out in Miami with some of the game's big names -- Edgerrin James, Ed Reed, Bubba Franks and others. He worked on strengthening his core "so I can run after the catch, so I can break a couple of tackles and just add a little dimension to my game."

He says he's driven more by team goals than personal ones, that he's not worried about his next contract because his play and his team's success will take care of that.

"You can ask any guy in this league. No matter how much money you have, if you're going 3-13 or 6-10, you're going home and you're miserable. And nobody wants to be that way, no matter how much money you have."

Burress wants to win a Super Bowl almost more than he wants anything else. Almost, because the thing he wants most of all he just cannot have.