Joe Cavaretta, Associated Press Oprah Winfrey: STUNNING. Click photo for larger image.

OK, here's the stuff you really want to know about the Academy Awards. How skinny ARE these stars? Who's had a really bad face lift? Who was rude and pushy? Who swept past reporters and rushed into the Kodak Theater? And who's so eager for press that she'll work the red carpet for hours, hoping to catch the eye of an E! "News" correspondent?

And the winners are...

REALLY, REALLY SKINNY STARS: While everyone is a bit more fit than you'll see on the streets of Pittsburgh, Naomi Watts in particular is a wee thing. Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgewick definitely need to eat more bacon. Patricia Clarkson is beyond petite, and Sandra Bullock, Jada Pinkett Smith and Holly Hunter could all shop in the children's department at Kaufmann's. Not that they would.

Reed Saxon, Associated Press Johnny Depp cleaned up nicely for the awards. Click photo for larger image.

WHO'S HAD A LITTLE WORK? Some in the stands say they didn't recognize Holly Hunter, who definitely looks 20 years younger than she is. Susan Sarandon looks amazing, but it could be just her admirable bone structure. She'll still be striking when she's 80. Joan Rivers is downright scary in person, but she's never hidden her love of plastic surgery.

The stars themselves didn't seem to be the worst offenders. That distinction goes to the anonymous heads and wives of heads of movie studios, who walk down the OTHER side of the red carpet, the side that doesn't show up on the pre-shows.

WHO STUCK OUT? Among the movie stars, the most stunning in person had to be Julianne Moore, with her dramatically pale skin and dark red hair set off to perfection by her silvery dress. Catherine Zeta-Jones was a complete knock-out, with her hair loose and flowing, in a skin-tight red Versace. She's definitely lost the baby weight. Also dazzling in red was Best Supporting Actress nominee Shohreh Aghdashloo, a mature Iranian-born beauty with the thickest, shiniest black hair imaginable. Julia Roberts really is a pretty woman, smaller than you'd think. And Jada Pinkett Smith has the most beautiful glowing skin ever, something you don't pick up on at the movies.

	Reed Saxon, Associated Press Holly Hunter: definitely looks 20 years younger and unrecognizable to many. Click photo for larger image.

Johnny Depp wasn't voted the Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine for nothing. Goodness gracious, but the man has soulful eyes. And those cheekbones? Sigh. Depp cleaned up nicely for the awards, for once clean-shaven, hair neatly styled, dapper in a trim tuxedo. Sean Connery is still impressive, and Blair Underwood, glimpsed at the Independent Spirit Awards on Saturday, makes one wonder why Miranda from "Sex and the City" chose Steve. Only on TV. Can we vote now for Pierce Brosnan as next year's Sexiest Man Alive? The impressive carriage and posture of Ken Watanabe could rival his, however. Little Elijah Wood's famous blue Frodo eyes could be seen from 50 feet away. And Jack Black is far more handsome in person than one might suppose.

WHO STUCK OUT -- IN A BAD WAY? Uma Thurman's horrid dress overshadowed her unique beauty. It was hard to concentrate on that face while trying to decipher what exactly it was she was wearing. On screen, Jude Law is beautiful. But in person, he was just a slight, tired-looking pale face in the crowd. Must have been the lighting on the red carpet.

Kelly Lynch looked dreadful in her teal chiffon concoction and decided to brazen it out by talking to every reporter she could find. An unidentified pneumatic date of some Hollywood bigwig came in a fishnet dress -- with nothing underneath to protect her, um, modesty.

Joe Cavaretta, Associated Press Uma Thurman: hard to concentrate on that face while trying to decipher what exactly it was she was wearing. Click photo for larger image.

And Diane Keaton's fashion sense has been maligned for the past 30 years, so there's no point in pointing it out again. But those black and white loafers? They were bad, even for her.

WE THOUGHT SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE WEIGHT ISSUES: Renee Zellweger gained 20 pounds to fill the shoes of "Bridget Jones" once more, and fashion wags have been chortling over her chubbed-out appearance during the awards season this winter. But please, 20 extra pounds on this woman makes little difference in real-world figures. Zellweger was perhaps up to a size 8, a size most of us dream about attaining. And Oprah Winfrey? STUNNING, and much, much smaller than you'd expect. Even pregnant-with-twins Marcia Gay Harden carried her baby weight beautifully.

AND THE SHARON STONE "PLEASE NOTICE ME!" AWARD: Jamie Lee Curtis, who arrived on the red carpet at least two hours before the show began and spent that time talking to every single reporter she could find. It took her longer to navigate that path than it did most of the acting nominees.