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I wonder, therefore I am

Sunday, March 07, 1999

By Barbara Cloud, Post-Gazette Columnist

Just wondering:

Life magazine's most recent "60 Years of Life" book features famous photos, including the late Harry "Topper" Coughenour's Cassius Clay photo from a 1963 fight with Charley Powell and Morris Berman's 1966 photo of Y.A. Tittle, New York Giants quarterback sacked by a Steeler. Both were Post-Gazette photographers and great guys.

When the Downtown Lazarus opened, it used an ornate clock design on its shopping bags and boxes. What did Kaufmann's, with its landmark corner clock, think about that? By the way, Brooks Brothers flagship store on Madison Avenue in New York has tucked a coffee bar in a corner. An idea for Lazarus?

Do you need special sheets on those new higher mattresses and box springs that require a foot stool to get you up and into bed? Do your old sheets become obsolete?

When will the devastated forest along Forbes Avenue, below Beechwood Boulevard as you head toward South Braddock Avenue, be cleaned up? The damaging storm was last June.

I hate when TV reporters say "Back to you guys in the studio," especially when one of the guys is a woman. Maybe "Back to you guy and doll" would be better. But even two suited and polished men shouldn't be guys.

Who is the sadist assigned to wrap heads of lettuce in those knotted pieces of cellophane, which are impossible to undo unless you have a machete?

Nick Nolte's hair: I am obsessing about this actor's hair because in each and every film, his hair changes from scene to scene, sometimes within the same scene, from blond to brown, from waves to curls, from straight and wet to dry and unruly. Maybe his buzz cut in "The Thin Red Line" is the answer.

Are you bored with fashion magazines? Try Marie Claire. I think it's better than Vogue.

Calvin Klein has always pushed the envelope with advertising, but if it wasn't his name on the label, would we be fussing so much about his latest ads with children? A major designer promoting cotton undies for kids makes little sense to me, but the brouhaha has put Klein's name in the headlines. Ahhhh, I get it.

At the recent Pittsburgh Pops tribute to Broadway music, some of the audience obviously recognized one of the guest performers not for his singing but as the villainous Alan Spaulding on the TV soap "Guiding Light." You never know what other talent lurks in those afternoon "operas."

Duhhh. Seldom are TV teases worth the wait. One recently - "Did you know you could get pregnant at age 40? Learn more at 5" - made me chuckle because I learned that almost 30 years ago. This is news?

Three cheers to the mailmen who make it to our mailboxes under the worst of conditions, particularly in January. Do you wonder how many fell or injured themselves as they brought new meaning to "the mail must go through?"

And on that note, I caught Kevin Costner's doomed "The Postman" on TV recently and, forgive me, I liked it. So sue me. I liked "Message in a Bottle" for several reasons, including the beautifully filmed ocean and sailing scenes, which most critics found to be too dragged out. They also thought the love angle took too long. Taking it slow in a relationship, it seems, gets a thumbs down in this day of fast food and instant gratification. Phooey.

I finally found Paul Newman's organic pretzels. I had picked them up, thought they were delicious, but then had a senior moment and couldn't remember where I'd bought them. They're at Kmart.

I don't know what you think, but the best hair on television in my opinion is on the head of Barry Bostwick of "Spin City." Well, OK, the best gray hair.

Now that we have accepted the trappings of the age of technology, why not a course in the good manners needed by those who use cellular phones? For some reason, those who own them seem to feel it is their right to talk into them anytime, anyplace, at any voice decibel or with any vocabulary they see fit. Rude, rude, rude. Manners no longer compute.



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