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'Dr. Ruth Talks to Kids: Where You Came From, How Your Body Changes, and What Sex is All About' by Dr. Ruth Westheimer

About The Birds And The Bees ...

Thursday, January 01, 1998

By Karen Macpherson, Washington Bureau

	Dr. Ruth Talks to Kids: Where You Came From, How Your Body Changes, and What Sex is All About By Dr. Ruth Westheimer Aladdin. $5.99

You don't want to be like your parents and pretend sex doesn't exist. But you're discovering that - despite your best intentions - it's not an easy subject to discuss with your children.

Fortunately, two marvelous new books help resolve this delicate dilemma. One book, illustrated by "Arthur" author Marc Brown and written by his educator/author wife, is aimed at children 4-7.

The other book, targeted for preteens, is by the inimitable and ubiquitous Dr. Ruth Westheimer.

Each of these books offers lots of information in a format geared to its particular age group. But parents would be wise to look through the books first to ensure that they're comfortable with what's being taught. It's not enough to just hand a book to kids (like many of our parents did). Instead, use these books as a starting point for some frank but, let's hope, comfortable parent-child discussions about sex.

"What's the Big Secret?: Talking About Sex With Girls and Boys" (Little, Brown, $15.95), illustrated by Brown and written by his wife, Laurie Krasny Brown, is both humorous and factual. And there's an irreverent edge to both the pictures and the text that helps make both parents and children feel more comfortable discussing sex. (Note: Although Brown is the author-artist of the wildly popular "Arthur" series, neither the aardvark nor his friends makes an appearance in this book; Brown uses humans in his illustrations.)

Krasny Brown is an expert educator and it shows in her clear, honest writing. She keeps the explanations succinct, allowing readers to absorb further information - and humor - from Brown's illustrations.

"What's the Big Secret?" begins slowly, as Krasny Brown draws in the reader with thought-provoking questions about how boys and girls are different. She asks, "Is it their names? . . . Is it their clothes? . . . How about their hair?"

After that gentle opening, she starts her explanations about sex in earnest, giving a short anatomy lesson and noting that it's natural to be interested in your own body.

Krasny Brown then tackles the often taboo topic of masturbation with aplomb. She offers a brief explanation, then states that "some of us try this; others don't." She ends by writing that "it's best to do this private kind of touching off by yourself."

In subsequent pages, she stresses that children have the right to say "no" when someone touches them in a way that feels wrong or uncomfortable. Children also should respect the feelings of others about whether they want to be touched, she adds.

Krasny Brown's account of how babies are "started" and how they grow inside the womb is similarly concise. She includes a sentence on how conception works, but then moves quickly on to what happens after that, including the messy but joyful process of being born.

The book ends on an upbeat note, urging readers to "enjoy being the girl or boy you are right now, with a body, mind and spirit all your own!" But Brown has the last word - and laugh - in his final illustration, portraying a father's efforts to rid himself of embarrassment before answering his young son's questions about sex.

Krasny Brown's text is excellent, but Brown's illustrations still steal the show, perhaps because they provide such great comic relief. Brown is particularly entertaining when he contrasts children's natural curiosity with parents'reluctance to talk about sex, helping adult readers to laugh at themselves.

Together, the couple helps young readers see sex as a natural part of life, a topic that can - and should - be discussed without embarrassment or shame.

That's also the premise of "Dr. Ruth Talks to Kids: Where You Came From, How Your Body Changes, and What Sex Is All About" (Aladdin, $5.99), a book first published in hardcover in 1993 and now available as a paperback.

As adult readers know, Dr. Ruth doesn't blush or bluff when it comes to talking about sensitive subjects. She tells it straight out, a technique that will endear her to the preteens and young teens who are the target audience of this book.

Trained as a psychosexual therapist, Dr. Ruth uses matter-of-fact language to address the topics of high interest to preteens. This is much more than a book about the mechanics of sex. Instead, Dr. Ruth addresses a range of subjects, from why preteens feel so moody to what can be done about acne to why it's better to use a temporary rinse - rather than a permanent dye - if you really want to have purple hair.

Kids will readily recognize that Dr. Ruth really remembers what it's like to be a preteen or even a teen-ager, awkward ages that most of us would prefer to forget. In fact, this book serves as a valuable reminder for parents, helping them to better understand their sometimes exasperating children.

While Dr. Ruth doesn't shrink from providing facts about sex, she also counsels her young readers on how best to use all this information. For example, she warns that sex with the wrong person can be a disappointing, unhappy experience. She also lists the kinds of alleged contraceptives that don't work or don't work well, from having sex standing up to the "rhythm" method. Dr. Ruth also points out how having a baby too young can complicate life in ways that aren't much fun.

Because Dr. Ruth is so open in discussing sex, it's likely that her readers also will be far more open to accepting her advice. Nothing is hidden here; there's no forbidden fruit. While some parents might vehemently disagree with this approach, it's often a highly effective way of communicating both sexual facts and values.